Somebody lets you down in some way badly. How do you feel and respond? If you have a negative emotional reaction and behave negatively then you have learnt the first lesson – that there is a link between an adverse event, which you have no control over, and your reaction, which you do have control over.
The next lesson is to appreciate each and every one of these types of interactions because they are there to teach you something and that is to practice countering your innate beliefs.
Here the “three Ds” is the vital lesson:
D1 is distraction. Distract yourself as quickly as possible after the event with a technique that stops your thoughts progressing in an instant – some people shout “stop”, some pluck an elastic band on their wrist, others slap their wrist, others write their thoughts down immediately, others bring to mind an image of a sacred object or a place of meaning to them and so on…
D2 is to dispute your beliefs. Try arguing with yourself using evidence to challenge your negative belief, consider alternative interpretations of the adverse event, think why your mind went automatically to the negative…
D3 is to distance yourself from the event. See beliefs as just beliefs and not as facts and end your inner discussion with an uplifting thought of some sort.
Remember that it is not what you believe that matters but how you act, how you treat people.
Remember that you cannot change events only your response to them.
Remember that people’s beliefs determines what they see.
Remember that every event, every person you come into contact with is a teacher.
Remember that most people criticise themselves, have a confusion of thoughts, are the subject of personal losses and are full of worries, fears and anxieties.
With love,
Nigel